Something just isn’t right here…

I don’t know what’s not right. I just know that something I’m doing, something I’m feeling, something I’m thinking, something…whatever I’m experiencing right now, it’s not good. It doesn’t feel right. Sigh. I don’t know why. I don’t know what I can do. I don’t think anyone can help me sort it out. :(

It’s a very strange feeling. Very strange. It’s like… being alone. I’m NOT alone now, I know. But this feeling…it makes me feel…completely alone. Like my body, mind and soul, separated from each other. Everyday passes by real quickly and it’s almost scaring me. I wake up, I come online, I do a little work, I chat with some nice people, the clock ticks, the hours go by, and soon, dusk falls upon us, and turns into night. And there I am, probably watching TV, do a little bit more of work, and continue doing so til late night, before I turn into bed. And I wake up the next day to repeat the same routine.

Oh, don’t get me wrong, I totally appreciate this routine, more to the fact that I’m HOME and tasting every bit of it. But, then, each day is inching towards my journey back to Singapore, and truth to be told, I’m dreading it. Dreading every single bit of it. Sigh.

***

YOU! :P !

You’re probably reading this at some point and aha! I’m blogging about you now. Happy?? I’m not putting your name in here first, because I’m afraid you might kill me. :D ! So if you want, I can put in your name in the next post. LOL. Though I really want to blog about how well you can steam a chicken. Hahahaha! You can steam a chicken yourself for lunch!! I can’t do that. Lol! You can even BOIL taufu and stuff in the middle of night to fry with rice. You’re insane. I definitely would be too lazy to do all that, in the middle of the night, or even for lunch. Unless I totally feel like cooking. Hmm…speaking of which, I want to bake cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. Hmm…Now I wonder if i still have that recipe somewhere…or anymore chocolate chips in the fridge…Hmm…If I succeed in baking any, I’ll bring some for you :) *goes off distracted, looking for ingredients*

Toodles. Sigh.

There is a little sorrow in here…

Initially, I wanted to tell the world, what a happy child I am, the fact that I get to stay in KL for another week, and it means I have MORE time with my family and friends, and more time for my assignments, etc.

 

Then came the shocking news. Michael Jackson is gone. G-O-N-E, GONE!!! Forever! Just like that! He’s only 50 years old!!

 

I’m 19, and I’m still waiting to hear more from our legendary King of Pop. Yes, very dramatic, minus the fact that he doesn’t know I exist, and I may mean nothing to him, (not that I mind), but I DO know he exists, and I think he was awesome (this is when I was…7 years old?) even if…he made many people angry through his actions (which I don’t feel the need to elaborate). So there I was, a little child in her home, watching her dad’s old records of Michael Jackson, bobbing her head to the catchy tune and wide – eyed to his extreme dance moves. Ok, so at that moment, I do not understand dance, neither do I understand his songs, but, it was already quite a handful for a 7-year-old, and still, I know, he’s Michael Jackson!

So this morning, when I told my dad the sudden news, my dad was shocked too. I’m sure he was somehow sad, cause he started playing all MJ’s records. :( My dad liked MJ. So did I.

Anyway, YES! I get to stay in KL for another week!!! Cause of the H1N1 thing, my school decided to go into an e-learning mode for the whole week. YAY! I’m the happiest child in the world (though this morning has dampened my spirits a little) but still! :D ! So one more week to spend with family and friends! *shines* Now can you see me shining??? So I get another week to finish up my assignments. Right now, I’m on Week 10, Psychology is on Week 17, I have about 7 weeks (obviously) to finish my work. Yes, I get to do Powerpoint on Psychology. Not funny, cause it’s not gonna be easy. Darn darn the darndest darn!

Alright, I’m waiting for Kak Nik cause we’re gonna go pick Iman up in about half an hour, from the airport. She’s finally HOME! :D ! And now I’m hungry so I shall just log off, and go…wander around. hehehe. :S! By the way, I watched TRANSFORMERS 2 yesterday and it was AWESOME!!! I want to watch it again! :D ! Anyone up for it again? hehehe.

Toodles!

I feel like a busy, busy woman. Or rather, girl. Lol.

Yes, I realised that one week is NOT enough to meet everyone else and finish my assignments at the same time. Well, I haven’t been slacking (much!) and for the past week, I have been busy with my family! Ah! So there! And I’ve been working (slowly!) on my 1000-word essay. Yes, everyone who’s been associating with me since I return would know about that blasted 1000-word essay assignment that I have to do. It’s worth 60% of my exams for Critical Thinking and if I screw this up, I’m going to cry. So lately, I’ve been working day and night, late into the night, coming up with about 100 words or so each time. It’s working, since I’m reaching about 600++ words and I’m halfway there. Now I have a feeling I’m going to write more than a 1000 words! I do worry, but I’ve been advised that it’s ok, since I can summarise them later somehow. :D !

 

But now that I have a week left, I realised that I have a lot of people that I need to meet up with, and a lot to do, including finishing my essay IN TIME, before I get back to school later. Date due: 29th June 2009. Before 12 noon. So I really need to make sure it’s PERFECT before I go back to Singapore this Sunday. *eeps!* And what else do I need to do? I need to summarise more of my research on MRSA for our group presentation (which is graded) coming in 2 weeks. I have no time to lose!!

So this is my schedule for the week:

Tuesday: meet up with Sophia for sushi and movie! I’m also supposed to go to the doctor for my medical report, but mom says she may not need me to be there.

Wednesday: maybe a little shopping with mom, and (this is not confirmed yet) meet up with Ridhwan for a drink.

Thursday: am supposed to meet up with B and the gang, and (this is also not confirmed) meeting Ridhwan on this day instead of Wednesday, and dinner with Devis and gang. Am also supposed to meet Louis but he is not sure yet.

Friday: more shopping with mom! Supposed to meet up with Kak Nik. This is the day Iman comes HOME!

Saturday: spend time with my family and Kak Nik and Iman.

Sunday: Back to Singapore. :(

Somewhere amidst the schedule, I’m also supposed to pay a visit to choir, (though I doubt I have time for it now),  and there was also something that I was supposed to do but I cannot remember it now, so dang it. :D !

I don’t want to go back to Singapore. :( I love home! Someone send me a super duper UHU glue or something. I want to glue myself to the wall of my room. At least it’ll buy me time before they start peeling me off the wall. *bawls*! Waaaa! I want HOME!!!

Bleh. I’m pathetic, and I’m sad.

Toodles.

Dear Love,

I had a wonderful time yesterday. I feared the worst, I thought I wasn’t gonna be able to meet you and the rest of our friends. I don’t know whether I was lucky but anyhow, I was thankful for the blessed permission. I was also glad that my friend from U.S. was back, with his family for holidays. Finally get to see him after…5 years? Long time. The last I remember of him, was…him being tiny, quite tiny, and chubby. Very cute. Now he’s taller than me, and a big boy now. Haha, 17 years old. Funny, cause you’re only a year older than he is, but you seem much…older. (XD! Forgive the description) And I don’t mean old old, but…maybe it’s just me. In my eyes, he’s still that little boy whom I used to play with. :) Anyway, Auntie Jamie drove me to KLCC. And you directed me to Nandos. I actually thought everyone knew I was coming, and that I was home, but seriously, I loved that look on Jason’s face. That surprised, pleasant, shock registered in his face when I walked into Nandos. Hahahaha! Now, THAT was a surprise for me, but I was equally glad to see everyone. :D ! The conversation flowed pretty nicely. While you guys were eating, and I was making fun of Muru who’s eating salad or something cause I saw nothing but tomatoes and raw lettuce. LOL! It felt so good to see everyone and HOME!!

 

Then Najwa suggested something so wonderful that it was so hard to resist!! HAAGEN-DAAZ!!! :D :D! Little did we know that we were gonna pick the one and only…chocolate fondue!!! No doubt, it costed us a bomb, (RM 63.90!!! Minus tax!!!) but it was heaven, wasn’t it?? :D :D! We split the bill, but still, it was worth it. Jason and I were scraping the melted chocolate til the very last bit. I’d still be going if there was more. Too bad, everyone thinks they had too much chocolate. I know I didn’t. :D ! *shines*

 

I’m glad someone suggested to go to the park. It was a good walk after the chocolate. Though it was pretty hot out there. But nice, really. I found the ‘bump’ of grass that I’ve always loved. Haha, and yes, I agree with Jason, about how…much taller it used to be. Now it’s there, but you can hardly see it. One day, I wish I can go back there again. Maybe when it’s dry and solid, cause when I walked on it, my heels were sinking into the ground. A little damp there. :S! But when its dry, and solid, I’d like very much to just lie there on the ground, and face the big, blue sky. Not with the glaring sun right into your eyes of course, but you know, the big blue sky. :D ! With the clouds floating around, with maybe a mild breeze blowing in the air. I can easily appreciate the beauty of the simple activity. :) Maybe one day we can go do that?

I’m also glad someone suggested that we go back in again, cause it was getting way too hot. And not a bad thing too, we all get to go into Kinokuniya! It’s been so long since I last step foot in there. While on the escalator up to Kino, I was actually commenting to Najwa about how much I miss KLCC. How everything struck me as familiar, and the feeling…it’s like coming back home. Not saying that KLCC is home, but somehow it’s part of home, you know what I mean? :) I love Kino. Its like the best place!! Its got everything! And I still need to find my Psychology textbook, lol. That place is heaven for me. I remember telling everyone avidly about how, when I have a house of my own, I’ll dedicate one entire room to my library! In those shelves, it’ll be filled with books I long to read, but never have the chance to. Example? All those books on European history, Medieval history, etc. :D ! I think I saw you shaking your head and going “Oh, dear”. Lol. Its one of my dreams, you know. Owning a personal collection of books that I want to read in my own home. But I can be quite lazy reading such heavy titles. Oh well.

We spent quite a long time in Kino. Not that I mind of course, lol. You know perfectly that I would glue myself there if I could. *shines* But I was quite reluctant to leave the place. Cause I know it would mean that Najwa has to go home then, and it also means the day is coming to an end. :( I’ve tried hard to come out, I was reluctant to let my mom reel me back home. Hahaha, evil, am I not? But at least we had a good time after that, didn’t we? *sigh* I’m already missing those times. It’s gonna be a long time, before we can spend time like that again. But maybe after this long period of absence, we would have more stories to tell, while walking in a park. :) We may need days to finish story telling. Haha. I’m looking forward to that.

*sigh* I’m already missing you so much. I’m looking forward to all the times when you and I would be able to talk like there’s no tomorrow. Forgetting the world and its follies. Just us, relieving our days and finding comfort in each other’s company.

Ah, bliss.

Yours,

Z.

A stupid emo post.

I’m missing you, but you’re not here. I don’t know why I’m missing you terribly now. Maybe its for all the other reasons, but I’m really just missing you. Maybe I know, after this, chances of me seeing you or even talking to you may decrease incredibly. *shrugs* maybe it’s just for this period of time. Maybe as time goes by, I’ll get used to it. I hate to be emotional, but sometimes, it comes creeping on me, and jumps at me when my defence is the lowest. Its like love. Annoying, I have to say.

Maybe you can say I’m… possessive? Jealous? Clingy? I don’t know, use any words you think I am. I’m not always like this. I don’t know why I’m like this. It can be really crazy at times. It drives me insane. Especially when I don’t need you to distract me. You don’t distract me. But when I start missing you immensely…sigh. It can be a disaster.

Sigh.

Goodnight, my love.