Life’s been tough on me, and so have you.

October 25, 2009 at 8:13 PM (One Of Those Moments When I Couldn't Help But Blog., Personal Rants, Stage Arts Dance)

So I’m sitting here staring at the screen, thinking, ‘Gee, at this rate, I’m going to need to wear my glasses again.’ I hope not. Life’s been pretty good WITHOUT my glasses. I didn’t need it permanently before, and I hope I won’t have to need it. I got to check my eye power sometime soon.

The whole day today I’ve been thinking about how angry I am at you. You broke my heart once too many times. I’ve been thinking about it and I kept wondering why I allowed you to keep breaking it. As much as you like to think you’re the victim in this case, I have to burst your bubble; you’re not. I am. I’ve been thinking again and again, why is it that I have to explain my actions to you? Why is it that you have to ask me ‘why’ for everything I do? And why I need to justify myself time and time again? I’m tired. I really am. You and I have got better things to do and you know it. I’m also tired…waiting on you, waiting on your empty promises about telling me everything. You know you don’t. You can try to convince me that you do. But you don’t. Don’t believe me? Why don’t you ask yourself what is it that you haven’t tell me? But if you really are that…dense, then I think you’ll just keep telling yourself and me that you’ve told me everything. Face it. I sense it more than you actually know. There are a lot that you haven’t tell me. And at this point, I don’t think I have much hope left in me to go and find out. I’m tired trying to probe around like some busybody, only to be disappointed when you say, “I’ll tell you soon, when I see you, I promise.” Which you rarely do. I can’t keep track for all the times you’ve done that, and all the stories that I’ve never known. You never remember them, and don’t expect me to remember what is it that you’re supposed to tell me. I’m not crazy. I don’t write down all the stories that you owe me. I just don’t understand why it’s difficult for you to just tell me, at that exact time when you remember. I don’t remember holding back when I talk to you. You crave stories from me, which I do fulfil, but you have no idea just how little I know about you.

This is merely the tip of the iceberg. There are so many other little things that you don’t seem to bother, that you don’t realize them hurting me bit by bit. But by now, I know I have to be stronger than I was previously. Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I am stupid to even to be nice in the first place. But if you can’t be strong, then I have to be strong. If you want to just be an emotional wreck, then fine, go ahead. I kept trying to make excuses for you, but enough is enough. These 6 months here in Singapore opened my mind to a darker perception. The same perception you’ve tried to show me and scare me with when we first knew each other. It’s called life. This is life. You said you didn’t want me to change, that I should be the way I’ve always been. But you have no clue, by being just that, other darker beings try to overtake me. Maybe in a way, this is what you may call ‘growing up’. And this ‘growing up’ is probably turning me into a real bitch. If people around me are poison, I can’t let them poison me can I? It’s fight or flight. No way I’m running away. I can hide, but I cannot run. How else to learn, if not fight? You know perfectly well that life’s just cruel. You taught me how to be cruel too. Don’t forget that. And don’t deny that. Like I said, if you can’t be strong, then I have to be strong. I have to be way stronger than you are. I can’t let anything break me down, not you, not anyone. I don’t have much to lean myself onto, so I cannot break.

Don’t think for one minute that I never consider telling this to you, face to face. I have tried, but doing that has either caused more problems, or…caused me high blood pressure. Writing it out (or rather, typing) this way may be more efficient than telling it to you. Maybe the message might get to you, somehow, since you can’t interrupt my flow of words here. Every time we try to talk it out, you know how angry I become whenever you cut me mid-sentence. That just shows you simply refuse to listen to me, and maybe your lack of respect for me, for what I have to say. At least here, I can say them as I think, it’s a continuous flow. You may have a lot to say to me, if you ever read this, but let me just remind you, this is not all I have to say. I have to be more…of a man, than you are, even if you think it’s weird.

***

First week of college is definitely boring. Lol. Not to mention new modules, new classmates (We’ve got 2 this semester!), new lecturers and last but not least, new challenges. Oh, I recently plonked myself into dance, which is currently working on a musical which is to be the college production, like, for real! And it’s Broadway style! So far we’ve learnt the choreography for Mamma Mia!, All That Jazz (Honestly, I never learnt this choreo, I happily went for dance one day and copied the steps that everyone was doing cause while they learnt these steps, I was happily in KL! :D ), and Summer Night. I love doing Broadway musicals. :) I think they’re just…so…impactful. Even if I’m not such an expert, but I love them anyway. :) It actually gives me joy to dance to the lyrics of a song! :D ! Maybe I’m just excited already, oh! I don’t know! This musical is taking place in February 2010, so will update about that soon ;) ! Currently we have practices every Tuesdays, Thursdays and even Saturdays! Busy, busy, busy already! Oooo! Guess what? I was sitting through my Biology lecture just the other day and towards the last 10 minutes of lecture, I got bored. Not meaning to brag, but we’re learning the nervous system now, and I sort of know the stuff almost by heart now. :S! I mean, I’m totally glad I’m getting some sort of revision, you know what I mean? Just to refresh all that I’ve learnt before, but I can’t help feeling a little…sleepy that moment. So guess what I did? I doodled a little poem on my lecture notes. Since I can’t really show you all my lecture notes, let me type it out here, so pretend you’re seeing it in MY handwriting, if you even know how it looks like, lol!

*ahem*! Imagine this (in my most cursive handwriting ever):

I love Biology.

Biology is beautiful,

Biology is wonderful,

Biology is oh-so-magical!

It can tell you A-Z,

about our human bodies,

Head to toe, left to right…

This was where I stopped cause just right at that point, lecture ended, and I was going through a word-block or some sort. Hee.

But honestly, this first week was actually crap. I mean, things didn’t go that smoothly. All the class conflicts and what not. Sigh. Hope things turn out for the better this coming week. :) I’m being hopeful for the sake of staying optimistic. Or life would be terribly dreadful.

Toodles, peeps.

May you all have a good week ahead.

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I haven’t been updating…

October 5, 2009 at 6:02 PM (Uncategorized)

And I STILL don’t have the time to properly do so yet. The drive to blog is currently driven out of me for the time being, though a lot has been happening, and I’m so sorry, I can’t find the time to blog about them. Anyway, back to my case study now. Hopefully I’ll update soon, y’all!

P.S. LAST WEEK OF ATTACHMENT, WHEEEE~~! AWESOMEEEE!!! :D :D:D!

Toodles.

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Panic attack.

September 19, 2009 at 10:57 PM (Personal Rants)

Oh. My. God. I’m having a panic attack. Why? Cause I don’t want to go back to Singapore. I don’t want to leave home again. :( Home is where MY heart is, and I don’t want to leave again. Sniff. I’m going back to a empty room back in Singapore. Not that I don’t appreciate the privacy. But a room filled with my mom’s laughter, or my sister’s singing, or my dad’s jokes is not what I’ll be able to get in Singapore, some place far far away from home. :’(

 

I’m leaving in about 2 days. On Monday. Dreadful Monday. Why, why, why? *tears* I don’t like this feeling. Not one bit. ARGH!

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All in the name of FOOD!

September 2, 2009 at 4:00 PM (Escapades, Those really long posts...again.)
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Finally, exams are over. The end of my first semester. How quickly time passes. It’s been what? 5 months already! And everyday I wonder how each day ends as quick as it starts. So now that I’m on holidays, I’m pretty glad, but I’m getting worried for each day draws me closer to my attachment date. Not only that, I also need to worry about my dance assessment. Hurm. How I can manage all that I have no idea. Anyway, attachment is during Raya (how sad), but I will be able to spend my first day of Raya at home! I am so very glad. :D ! So during my long absence, a few dinners had taken place and Jeff is now in Singapore. :D ! Lol. Happily studying his ass off already. XD

1) Korean food at Fresh Bulgogi, Changi Airport.

Yes, trust us all to go all the way to the airport to have some korean food. But we had a car that day, so it’s perfectly fine with me! :P

 

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The food’s pretty awesome! :) And the price is pretty affordable too! Love to go back there again. But gotta find an alternative restaurant, like somewhere nearer, or else it would be hell trying to go all the way back to Changi Airport. LOL. Journey’s long enough. I bet by the time I travelled all the way back to home from Changi, I’d be starving already. Tee hee.

2) Chocolate Buffet at Fullerton Hotel. :)

Ah-hah! I was supposed to go as Atikah’s date, but her real date decided to come in the end, so I ended up being the ‘tiang lampu’ there, if you get what I mean. But everyone was cool, so yeah, I just occupied myself with the chocolates served. Minus the fact that Yanti was disturbing me. But the variety of chocolates… hurm, let’s just say I expected something…GRAND! Like really grand. But there was probably about 40++ variety of chocolates there. Not saying that it’s not enough, God knows how stuffed we were that night, but it’s just like those dessert corners you get in good buffets. The only difference is it’s completely chocolate. It was definitely my heaven, though I certainly do not mind going back there again, I would have to think about the hole it caused in my wallet that night. *sighs*

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I won’t post much pictures here, because mainly we took pictures of humans and not chocolates. We were too busy indulging ourselves and trying to finish our share of chocolates. I had 2 cups of chocolate drink, though I would appreciate it if the guy hadn’t put so much milk making the drink, sniff. Less chocolate for me. I wanted a pure chocolate drink! OOOO!! Did I mention? I went hyper the first round! (Those of you who know what I mean, yeah, I became like THAT!) I was DRUNK, on chocolate. And I mean it, because I was sitting there, all by myself, and swaying from side to side, and having fits of giggles. Yanti stared at me and smacked me, thinking I’ve lost it or something. Lol. But yes, for a while, I was like that. Good thing the walls weren’t that near to me, or I’ll be bouncing off the walls! Tee hee. And yes, Kak Nik, sorry, but I couldn’t resist writing with those chocolate on the plate. A habit that reminded me of you, :D !

3) Thai Express at Esplanade!

Tee hee, yes, Yanti and I were CRAVING for Tom Yam and KL seems so far away then. I simply wanted it, and when Yanti suggested Thai Express, I made her come with me. Heee. Or vice versa. Either way, we wanted tom yam. Oh, and we dragged Priya with us too. :D ! She has never had tom yam before so it was a good reason why we took her with us. Besides, she missed the korean dinner, and the chocolate buffet. Hehehe. If only she had listened to me and ordered tom yam that night. Traitor. LOL. The tom yam was GOOD! :D ! Or maybe I’m just really missing it.

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So that’s Priya, and Yanti. Oooo! Our drinks were really good! Hahaha, err, I think its something pina colada. Yes there were strange words in front of the ‘pina colada’. Lol. Alcohol-free of course. :P ! The tom yam was awesome!!! Spicy to the max. It looked harmless (look at the colour of the soup, clear!) but damn, one spoonful, and we were reaching out for our drinks! Haha! The spicy-ness really hits you! Tee hee. Aww man, now I’m starting to miss it again! (It’s ok, Zunny, you’re going back to KL soon, you’ll have your tom yam again!) The noodles which I think is pad thai was Priya’s and the fried rice was Affizal’s. Though I cannot remember what fried rice is that. Ooooo! And that appetizer which looked like fish cakes! Those are GOOD! I don’t know what they are, but they’re GOOD! :D ! Thumbs up to Thai Express this time! :D !

4) Dinner with Jeff’s family

No pictures here, though I think there are a couple on Facebook. Anyway, it was just a dinner when Jeff first newly arrived in Singapore. His parents were still here and I had dinner with them and his cousin’s family. I actually had pork ribs!!! T.T! I knew the minute my knife speared the meat! I couldn’t possibly say no to it all the sudden innit?? How inappropriate. It’s not that I CAN’T take pork, I just don’t like it very much. :( My mom laughed when I told her. –.- trust my mom to be sympathetic. She was even teasing me about how good it tastes. Hmph! Just last Saturday I had dinner with him again with his uncle and family this time. Lol. Thanks to them, I actually discovered one of the cheapest western restaurant around!!! Too bad, it’s not halal, or I would’ve dragged my friends over! It’s really cheap (in terms of food here, please don’t ever convert, but even if you do, it’s affordable. :D !) and my share didn’t even reach $10!! A plate of main course and a drink. Cool! It’s like…um…something like a really budget version of chili’s main course. But it still is filling. Hehehe. Now I know where to go when I crave for western food and I am on budget. Sigh, still wish it was halal though. Hehe.

5) Buka Puasa at Sakura Halal Thai Chinese Cuisine, Northpoint.

Well, I don’t have pictures for this one too, but it happened last Sunday. I dragged Jeff along with me, since he was so impatient to meet my friends. Before that I was all alone, roaming the streets of Singapore, in my mission of finding my uncle’s house and getting there in one piece. I sort of made it somehow, seeing that the bus which I took overshot and missed MY bus stop and I didn’t know what to do for a good 15 minutes until I decide to stop the bus at some RANDOM bus stop in the middle of nowhere, walked across the road to the other side, and walked the opposite direction heading towards my uncle’s house. I was pretty far from my destination then. I wasn’t exactly afraid, I was more upset at the fact that the bus driver didn’t know where I wanted to go but the fact is he DOES pass by the road. Sigh. How do these people manage??? What about tourists??? So I managed to find another bus stop heading towards the direction of my uncle’s house and I waited and checked the bus directory for buses that will go my way. It seems a few buses do go my way, but I missed them initially cause I was quite uncertain. And when I finally climbed on board this bus, I asked the driver again this time to double check and this driver was like, “I don’t know, I don’t know.” God I was more upset then. How can they NOT know where the bus is heading to???? So I kept my eyes open and jumped out of the bus the minute I saw my uncle’s place. :D ! I guess I can say I was pretty proud of myself, making my way through unfamiliar territories. Hee. After the visit, I took the bus back all the way to Yishun, which wasn’t as long of a journey as it seemed to be. Still it was almost an hour’s journey. Long. Then I met Jeff there first while waiting for the rest to show up. It’s gotta be the most hilarious buka puasa I’ve had, seeing Atikah actually poured 2 plates of chili padi into MY fried rice, and I was crying trying to eat it. Hmph! THAT I’ll sure get her back for. Lol. We even went to the arcade after that, and boy, was I glad. I beat both Jeff and Affizal in Daytona, woo-hoo! :D ! Talk about driving dangerously. :D ! Heee.

Ahhh…our love for food. :) *tears* I’m glad I found someone here who appreciates food as much as I do. :D ! Though Yanti has admitted that she can’t really eat a lot, but still food is our love! And it’s ok, since I do eat a lot. tee hee. Man, I wonder where all these genes came from. My dad definitely don’t eat as much as I do. My mom…hmm…she’s ok, but she’s sometimes frighten about my love for food. Wakakakaka.

I can hardly wait to go back to KL now! :D ! All the food awaiting for my return! And my friends!! I can’t wait to see them! Can you believe Kim has already booked me?? Lol. I never knew I could be booked. Hmph.

Oh…that reminds me. If you’re weak-hearted, or can’t stand the sight of pain, etc. NEVER, EVER, EVER watch Final Destination 4. Its sick, and gruesome, though I think the previous one was worse. I CAN look at blood and NOT faint, I can look at needles and withstand injections. But I CANNOT stand the sight of demonic slaughter and tortures and deaths in a way only a sadist would enjoy. The PAIN, I cannot imagine, but how it wrenches my heart out in this way. And for this, I blame Tanveer and Ernest, for dragging me along. I mean, ok, I had the choice of NOT watching, but what am I going to do while they’re watching the movie??? Hmph! I can’t be wandering alone there, there’s nothing much I could do in AMK Hub. So yes, I stupidly followed them and went through this awful ordeal in which I was hiding my eyes in my shirt most of the time and praying for it to be over soon. It’s OK that I didn’t watch 3/4 of the movie, it’s OK. I’m perfectly fine with that. I peeped out once in a while and it’s enough to scare me to bits. I believe I was cursing throughout the movie. HMPH!! I’m going to get them back for this one day. But if you’re going to ask me how on earth I’m going to do that, I can tell you, I have NO idea yet. LOL. Sigh. Perhaps I’ll never get back at them.

Guess I’ll log off here. I’m gonna go watch my Inuyasha. :D ! Heee.

Toodles, peeps!

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7 Things in 2 weeks!

August 12, 2009 at 11:11 PM (Escapades, One Of Those Moments When I Couldn't Help But Blog., The Weekends, Those really long posts...again.)
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After a long hiatus, I’m back!!! So, how long was I gone for? Let’s see…3 weeks? Don’t know, didn’t check the dates. Anyway, a LOT has happened since the last I blogged. Let me list them off:

1) I watched Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince with Tanveer. I’ve gotten bad reviews before that and I just want to watch it because it’s Harry Potter! And trust me, the reviews were true. Even MY sister who doesn’t read the series thought it was pretty…well, let’s just put it simply the previous movies were way better. Hee.

2) Met up with Ernest and Tanveer for dinner last weekend, it was supposed to be a little surprise for Ernest as it was his birthday last Monday. And since he’d be stuck in NS on that day, Tanveer and I planned to do something small for him. So..well, since the both of us are technically poor, we only managed to buy him a small black forest cake, and kept it away from him for quite a long time. And when we did ‘surprise’ him, his reaction was…”Oh, (with a really emotionless, blank expression on his face) thanks guys.” I swear to God, it was SO Ernest! HAhahahahaha! Tanveer wanted to KILL him! Hahaha, but it was typical Ernest, he wouldn’t be him if his face wasn’t that expressionless. Lol.

3) FUTSAL!!!! My class has decided to go for FUTSAL on this beautiful Monday (03/08/09). We went all the way to East Coast just to play futsal. For your information, it took us about 45 minutes to get there! And well, even though not everyone came, we had a BLAST! We did the silliest things, and quoting Mattea, “I’ve never seen everyone this wild before. It’s like you guys gone completely crazy! Even YOU, Zun San! Oh my God!” LOL! Cool eh? :P ! Here here, look at some pictures! (Remaining pictures on Facebook, please proceed to my profile, should you be interested. :P !)

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This is Rina (the girl pointing at her injured big toe). Yes, she lost 1/6 of her big toe nail while playing futsal. Damn painful. And poor her, she didn’t get to play the rest of the game. :( And next to it, is a few of us. The first time this picture was taken, the camera fell the minute the flash went off. Lol.

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This is all my classmates who came that day. Aren’t we all a bunch of happy kids? :D ! Lol

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IT’S MY BALL!!!

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—->

Quoting Mattea again, “We were like a bunch of monkeys chasing after one banana!” LOL! Sweet.

4) Oooo! I got my Hepatitis B jab!!! It was COOL! And I mean it! I know I’m not afraid of injections or needles (when used for all the right reasons, I mean!) So, when the nurse poked me with the needle it was just a little ant bite…then she pushed in the medication and whoaaa!! The feeling! I can’t call it pain, but it was like…hmm…the sting! hahaha, you can literally feel the liquid gush down your blood stream! :D ! Now wasn’t that wonderful?? heee. (Yes, I’m mad, you can say it out loud.)  Next jab on 7 September! :P !

5) THIS is the BEST PART! I went back to KL for the weekend!! :D :D! It was National Day here, and so I have a long weekend (Saturday, Sunday, Monday) and then classes resume on Tuesday. It was AWESOME! I went back, and the first thing I had was Korean BBQ for dinner with my family! :D ! Though it wasn’t the best, it was a good feeling. To have dinner with my family again after so long! Then right after that, Kak Nik and Iman stole me away for THEIR dinner! Lol. At Starhill for Dim Sum. I was so full, so I didn’t want to eat, but I have no idea how Kak Nik managed to stuff me in some more! Crazy! So, the next day, Iman, Kak Nik and I were planning to go for karaoke, bowling, sushi, and whatever we can manage. But Red Box was full when we got there :( So we changed plans and went for Yo! Sushi. Hee. And Jeff came! ^^ so there we were, all eating the great sushis in the world! Though I was supposed to eat until I burst, I couldn’t seem to do that. I will have to try again when I go back in September. After that, we went window shopping! Well, it was initially a window shopping plan, until Kak Nik saw this lovely dress and made me try it on, and then got it for me. I swear I could cry on the spot. There I was insisting that it was OK, we don’t have to get the dress, thinking what would happen to me when I got home, lol. Needless to say, Kak Nik and Iman thought it all out for me; cut the price tag, hide it from Mom, etc. So funny. I’ll show the world this beautiful dress once I can get a picture of it, since I left it in KL. For the time being. hehee. We went back to Kak Nik’s place and played cards, taught Jeff how to play bridge, then we played Taboo, and I literally ROLLED on the floor cause I was simply to glad to be home! *sigh* I went home for dinner that night, and mommy cooked CURRY! Yummy!! I was a very happy child! :D !

6) Jeff’s results are out!! *Drums roll* Well, I’m not revealing anything here, so I’ll leave it to you to go ask him, if you are interested. :) We spent lunch together at Chili’s! After so long, I had Chili’s!! So glad! It felt like heaven! Lol! Too bad there wasn’t the chocolate molten cake. But doesn’t matter, I had Chili’s so it was awesome! :D ! And we had a good walk in the park, so yes :P !

7) EXAM!!!! Safety in Healthcare!!! TODAY!!! I had been studying since last night, all the way til 230pm today. I thought I was going to die!!! I have NEVER study so last minute before. Ok probably I have but this time it was pretty bad!! I completely have NO IDEA what I’m supposed to know about this module, it seemed like there’s so much to take note! I wanted to shoot myself and just, disappear off the face of earth. :( It was that bad. Especially with a throbbing migraine, and a damn early class this morning. :S! But! In the end, I came out of the lecture hall…battered…but alive! Just a bit torn here and there. You can see bits and pieces trailing across the place. Lol! But it’s a good reminder…to NEVER, EVER EVER study last minute again. hee. Or least, try NOT to. *blush*

Wow. What a crazy long post. Now I’m not sure if anyone would read this now. Oh well. At least I left my trail here. Well, worry not, I’m sure my next update will be real soon. And guess what’s it going to be about??

CHOCOLATE BUFFET!!! :D ! Hahahaha! Will keep you guys posted! :D !!

Toodles!

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The end of a long week; the beginning of another.

July 25, 2009 at 11:41 PM (Escapades, Personal Rants, Those really long posts...again.)
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Another week has come to an end. So quickly. This time last week, I was worrying over my French exam and Bio practical test. Now I’m worried over my Psychology and Family and Community Health presentations next week. And I’m stressed over Psychology’s presentation now. Cause I’m not exactly sure how to go about it. I don’t know what I should do, what I should not do. Oh dear God. And everyone else’s marks are in my hands as well. I got to do this right! I want to make our presentation the BEST! Like, the POWER presentation! Hahahaha! Maybe cause I like Psychology, and I think it’s something so…profound, in a way. I want to make the best of it, I want to understand it! So much to digest…*sigh*

Didn’t get through the audition for National Day event for dance. Was quite down about it, but, nevertheless, I shall stand up again, and look forward to other opportunities. Maybe it’s a sign, a good sign, in a way. Maybe I just need some time to myself to finish up all that I have yet to finish. But whatever it is, I shall not let it stand in my way to open other doors. :D !

It’s been a hectic week as well, one exam after another. I managed to pull through Bio, but I know I did screwed up some questions, here and there. Damn, and I thought I have them all at the tip of my fingers! How could I overlook that part?? Whatever it is, I’ve done my best, now all I can do is just wait for my results, hoping it will turn out great.

This week had also been quite an emotional week for me, what with my own group members fighting among themselves, and I was trying to stay neutral, cause there really isn’t any point in getting angry or annoyed when a heated fight is already going on. Somehow, either I seem to lose my control more easily, or I seem to manage to keep them in control better than I ever have. It’s strange, but I guess, since I’m going to deal with more people with all kinds of character, I might as well learn how to control all these emotions now.

Well, at least I got to somehow relax-ed a bit yesterday. Classes weren’t so hectic yesterday, so we (Yanti, Priya, Syahiran, and yours truly) went out for Subway at AMK Hub for lunch. heeee! We were happy kids. Finally something good after a week of school’s food! Bleh! And Priya isn’t a vegetarian now on Fridays cause her mommy said she doesn’t have to now, so YAY! Last week when we went to the same Subway, poor Priya had Veggie Delite, and my, how we never stopped making fun of her going all the way to Subway to have just vegetables. XD! LOL Poor girl. (Priya if you’re reading this, please don’t kill me, cause you know you don’t want to! *shines*!) So so so, I had cheese steak and it was GOOD! :D ! So yes, we were happy kids. Then we had to go back to school. OH! And for the first time in a damn long time, I SAT IN A CAR IN SINGAPORE! HAHAHAHAHA! Yes, call me silly, whatever, but it’s been so damn long since I sat in a car, AND in Singapore! Lol. I told Yanti as she was driving and she literally laughed her ass off at me. Cause I was sorta floating, sitting at the front seat, swaying with this dreamy look on my face as I realized I was IN A CAR in SINGAPORE. Heeee. Now I can’t wait to go back to KL and sit in a car AGAIN! I’m ridiculous. LOL!

 

Then in the evening, Tanveer and I lingered around in school, while waiting for Ernest cause he was getting out of camp yesterday evening. We called him and he said he’d reach school at 8pm, and it was about 5+pm when we called him. -.- We were not amused. Lol. So we lingered in school, sat here, got bored, sat there, got bored, until I was attacked with this sharp pain of gastric. I don’t know how, or why I got the pain but damn, I thought I was going to die! And I ATE IN THE AFTERNOON! Hmph! But I got better when Tanveer helped got me some milk, so then we moved on to the library and I had a brilliant idea. Since we were wasting time, why not waste time doing something useful?? So I parked myself at the Recommended Books section and started leafing through all the Psychology books. :D ! Tanveer entertained himself by doing all the Psychology Test Yourselves thingys and lol, it was hilarious, some tests. Though I only managed to photocopy stuff from one book cause my photocopying skills sucked yesterday. (It was just yesterday, mind you!) When Ernest finally arrived, it was near 830pm. He arrived in his NS uniform, LOL! We went to AMK Hub (AGAIN! Second time in a day!) and wanted to watch Harry Potter!!! But the timing was too late, I won’t get home in time, and Ernest has already watched it (TRAITOR!!!!). We told him NOT to watch it first but he HAD to go watch it. Hmph! So we just had dinner, talked talked talked, walked to the MRT station, talked talked talked some more and finally left for home at nearly 11pm. Lol! Tanveer and Ernest even wanted to go to Somerset at 1015pm just to go there and hang out, but I was like, YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY! Lol. Ooooo! School was having this fair thing going on at the Atrium, and there was this stall that sells cute ceramic stuff with things written on them, and you can write your names on too! I thought it was a great gift idea, and damn cute, so I decided to get it for Tanveer and Ernest. :D ! Darn I forgot to take a picture of them, its like a personality thing! I wanted one that says “Princess” but it was gone by the time Tanveer went to get them for me!!! So he got me “Dreamer” instead. We got Ernest “Hunk”. LOL. He looked at it and went…”HUNK???” LOL! Hilarious. And I can’t believe what Tanveer got for himself. He got “Sexy”. He thought it was really funny, and I was just staring at him, jaw dropped and I went, “You got yourself SEXY??? SEXY????? ARE YOU INSANE???” Lol. But what he didn’t REALIZE in his haste was the picture was of a girl, and his name is written behind it. HAHAHAHAH! Serve him right. *smug smile* When I get to have them all three together, I’ll take a picture of them, and post them right up. :D !

And I am right to say that I’m a nocturnal person. I seem to work best at night. But not for long, cause I’d get sleepy and all. Lol. And and and!!! I’ve been posted to Alexandra Hospital for my attachment this September!!! :( ! And you know what SUCKS???? I’m posted for 3 weeks in mid-September and it’s DURING RAYA WEEK!!!! I think I get a 3 weeks holiday first, then attachment for 3 weeks, then another week of holidays before Semester 2 officially starts! OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M MISSING HARI RAYA THIS YEAR!!!!! IT’S NOT FAIR!!! Kak Nik and Iman and auntie and uncle are gonna KILL ME! *gasp*! And I’m missing all the fun!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is not funny. Not at all. And I haven’t even start listing out my stress list, including all the exams coming up in about a month! Already I’m worried over my attachment and and and, what if I KILL SOMEONE????? This attachment is some sort of assessment and I gotta PASS this thing!!! I can’t fail, but I’m so so worried!!!

I can faint from all these “excitement”. *Sigh*.

Gotta go work on Psychology again now. Will update again soon.

Toodles.

P.S. Lunch time performance is happening again! 29th July 2009! Wheeeee! :D ! Dance! XD!

P.P.S. I’d be deadly exhausted by then. God bless.

P.P.P.S. I want ice cream. I WANT!!!

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Sigh.

July 20, 2009 at 10:57 PM (Personal Rants)

Je me sens tout seul, même quand vous êtes ici avec moi.

Je ne sais pas pourquoi.

Je suis triste.

Sigh.

For once in my life, can I just be selfish? Don’t want to think about anyone else, you, he, she, them. No one. Just to be selfish, for just this one time.

Sigh.

 

This is a lonely life, though I think it suits me well.

- Sylvia Hotel, Cheryl Wheeler.

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*jumps around like a mad rabbit*

July 20, 2009 at 11:14 AM (One Of Those Moments When I Couldn't Help But Blog., Personal Rants)
Tags: ,

FRENCH EXAM TODAY,

FRENCH EXAM TODAY,

FRENCH EXAM TODAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*jumps around like a mad rabbit*

And WHY am I NOT worried??? I mean, I am worried, for all the good reasons, I am worried I won’t be able to listen properly, since I’m all fresh and all, and that I may input the wrong infinitive or verb or something like that. Oh GOD!

Not enough that I couldn’t sleep last night, and when I did, I didn’t sleep well!!! I dreamt that I was going to die. And it’s like, I don’t know how you say it, but I just received “orders” that I was going to die. And I was going to WAIT for my turn to DIE. What a sadist.

I was supposed to wake up at 8.30am today, but looking at my lost sleep and the throbbing in my head, I went back to sleep and only arise at like…10am. Should last me the entire day, plus the extra work I’m going to do for Bio tonight. Heee.

Oh well, back to work! :)

Toodles.

One minute it’s love, and suddenly it’s like a battlefield.

One word turns into a war,

Why is it the smallest things, that tear us down?

Why does love always feel like a battlefield?

- Battlefield, Jordin Sparks.

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Past and Present.

July 18, 2009 at 7:30 PM (National Choir, One Of Those Moments When I Couldn't Help But Blog., Personal Rants, Stage Arts Dance, Those really long posts...again.)
Tags: , , , , , ,

It’s been a long, hectic, exhausting week for me. Mentally, emotionally, physically. I didn’t think I would be this drained. Even in my sleep, I am not in peace! I’m plagued by dreams, that take my soul somewhere far far away, only to have them plunge me back into harsh reality when my alarm starts ringing. Dance, exams, assignments, presentations, working on the newspaper…I never knew my brain can work this hard. On Monday, I got a little stressed over French, since the exam is this coming Monday. But dance practice in the evening took them all away as I practiced like a mad woman with all other Stage Art-ians. I wanted to perfect all the moves, give them 150% and what not, seeing that Ambre and I have been practicing them since last Friday. I’m glad you guys helped me point out my mistakes, and all, and help me to correct them. They may not be perfect still, but it’s better than before. :) The minute dance practice ended, all other problems came smashing down on me again. By the time I got home, it was already 11+pm, so I read through my nasogastric tube feeding notes, and tried to visualize me doing the procedures in my head. But you know what’s the interesting part? In my head, as I was visualizing those procedures, I was also doing all the dance steps! I kept practicing them in my head, keep visualizing the correct steps, the moves, the grooves, and they played on and on, even while I was talking to myself about how I should aspirate the gastric juice and measuring it. This went on and on even after I went to sleep. I didn’t sleep very well that night. The next day, the same thing happened again. But the intensity was twice as bad, because my clinical assessment was on Wednesday and lunchtime performance was going to take place right after that! It was a painful pressure for me. I needed to do well for my clinical, and I want to perform well for dance! That night, after practice, I did the same thing, practiced the steps, physically and also in my head, as I ran through my procedures and rationales, over and over again! Again I didn’t sleep well that night. I prayed so hard that I would be able to accomplish both, successfully. I think it was the first time I prayed so hard since I came to Singapore.

With God’s blessing, the next day didn’t turn out to be disastrous. (I refused to think of anything bad that could happen on Wednesday, I was going on POSTIVE THINKING!) I managed to pass my clinical assessment, even though Ms. Allison and I both knew that I didn’t perform as well as I could have. We both also knew I performed better for the vital signs assessment and she asked me why. I just said I panicked. But overall, I still manage to meet the requirements and pass the test. Thank God for that. I was a bit disappointed with my performance but I would have to blame that on my lack of proper practices. Hopefully in time I would improve. I rushed to dance after that, and started practicing again non-stop. By the 4th or 5th time of practice, I was seriously out of breath. I thought I was going to faint, I couldn’t perform the steps properly. I was so scared, I didn’t want to think. I thought I was the only one, but it seems everyone was experiencing the same symptoms! We just stopped then. When we all got ready, you can almost feel the electric charge of our energy. The excitement, the power, it was charging in the air! It was so exciting!

Personally, for me, it was like reviving old memories again. The power charging in me, every time before I perform, it’s coming back again! Just that this time it’s different. For the past 10 years that I’ve been performing, this time, it was a different charge. I was going to DANCE! Something that will knock the breath out of me, and transfer the energy to the audience! It’s not the same as choir anymore (albeit the same stage rules apply, it’s like a standard thing, no doubt), but this time we were actually gonna rock the place with dance! It was exhilarating! *jumps around and squeal!*

GirliciousSoul, Hanisah, Me STAGE ARTS! 

It’s simply too troublesome to load all the pictures up here, but most of the is on Facebook, so if you’re interested to check them out, feel free. I have to say it’s been an extremely long time since I applied that much of make up and I still am not a fan neither am I an expert in it, it feels damn good once I remove them. Tee hee. For me, that’s way toooo much make up for daily basis but for stage performances, that’s merely enough to make you look presentable on stage. And not scare your audience. Hehehe.

And here, looking at…

Shah AlamBeach! Shah Alam1 

Shah Alam 2

Ahh…the joys of performing.  I sure miss those days. I sure miss the choir. :( Don’t know when I would be able to perform with all of you again. I MISS YOU ALL!!! (Pictures are all on Facebook, somewhere, haha!)

Now back to Singapore. Lol. What happened after that? Oh yes, we performed alright, we did our best. But there’s always room for improvement :D ! The disaster struck after that, when I woke up the next day, and my thighs and knees hurt like MAD. I thought it was just gonna be for a while, and nothing serious, but when I bent down to tie my shoe laces, gosh, I felt an excruciating pain on my left knee! Initially I felt pain on both knees and thighs, but they lessened the next day, leaving my left knee killing me slowly. I can’t flex my knee, or I’ll feel like the pressure at my joint! I don’t know if it’s going to go away but if it doesn’t I’m supposed to see the doctor. Gosh, I hope it’s nothing serious.

The bad news came after that too, my Psychology ICA presentation has been brought forward 2 weeks in front. So instead of presenting on Week 17 (Now it’s week 14, come this Monday), as scheduled, we are going to have to present on Week 15. Means I have 1 more week to RUSH everything and make sure all work is done. I am going to die. On top of that, I also have Family and Community Health ICA presentation on the same bloody week, and we still have yet to find our toddler to interview. God bless us, I’m not through! I still have dance! There is a National Day (Singapore’s) thing coming up, and dance is involved and oh-how-I-so-wish I can perform for that. So since Friday I’ve been practicing again, with Ambre, and now I have to recap the steps and get them all right by Tuesday. And also jab in some showmanship in the process. I’m losing touch with this skill! *gasp*!

French exam is on Monday, and Bio practical exam on Tuesday. Gotta scoot now and go work on my French grammar. Loads to finish up by tonight.

P.S. I WANT TO GO WATCH HARRY POTTER!!!!! T.T! I WANT I WANT I WANT!!!!

P.P.S. I WANT SLEEP! I’M DEPRIVED OF SLEEP! T.T

P.P.P.S. I ALSO WANT A HOLIDAY!!! T.T SOMEONE PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY!!! *tears*

Toodles.

  

How can I stand here with you, and not be moved by you…?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this…?

Cause you’re all I want, you’re all I need, you’re everything,

Everything…

- Everything, Lifehouse.

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Just a little thought.

July 9, 2009 at 11:52 PM (Personal Rants)

It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there. You may not see it happening. It’s almost invisible, but you can FEEL it. And sometimes, people don’t even care! That’s when you feel all alone. Scary thought. You gotta fight for it, if you want it, bad enough.

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s just all in my head.

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